We specialise in CPTSD and PTSD, but understand
that this often bring symptoms of the below
conditions, and therefore we work with these too:
I experience re-living of the traumatic events through unwanted and highly distressing recurring memories, flashbacks or vivid nightmares.
I have intense emotional or physical reactions when
reminded of the events including sweating, heart
palpitations, anxiety or panic.
I have been deeply wounded by those who were
closest to me.... my caregiver(s)/partner, and this
has meant that I haven't learned about my emotions
and how to cope with these, or how to communicate
to help me connect with others.
In trying to maintain my connection with my care givers/partner or others, I have lost the connection
with myself. I learned in early childhood that being
myself threatens my relationship with others and
believe at a gut level that being me, would lead to
others rejecting/abandoning me, so I have learned
to suppress my emotions, detach from my body
to survive.
I use addictions to help me cope emotionally e.g.,
drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping etc, with
the suffering and chronic pain.
I keep/collect items that may have little or no monetary value, such as junk mail and carrier bags, or items I always intend to reuse or repair
My hoarding started when I was about 12 years old, and has become more noticeable with age.
My hoarding has become really problematic as I am much older, as I find it harder to get out of the house and the items I have collected prevent me from leaving. It has also become a safety issue as there are piles of this which could topple and fall on me and environment health have become involved.
I am aware that my obsessions
and compulsions are irrational
and excessive, but I am out of
control and unable to resist them.
My OCD takes over my life and
my time, impacting on my work/education, family, hobbies
and relationships negatively.
I spend hours checking things, caught
in my thoughts, counting, washing, doubting myself, others,
or things I might have or have
not done, I fear harming others
or myself almost constantly,
and/or collect things that I
don't need or want.
In addition when I am hoarding
I have so many things that I cannot manage the clutter where I live, and find it difficult or impossible to throw things away.
I hoard because you feel a strong need to keep things. It's my connection to disposing of these things that causes me great distress.
I have an intense and ongoing
fear of being judged, humiliated,
and observed by others.
I will overthink, going to places
or events, everything from the conversations that might happen,
and try to create a script for this,
to what I will wear and how I will
interact with others.
I always worry about doing
something I think is embarrassing,
such as blushing, sweating
or appearing incompetent.
After the situation I will dissect
everything that happened from
what I said, and did to how others responded to me and what this
all means.
I regularly worry about my health including frequently checking my
body for signs of illness, such as
lumps, tingling or pain.
I am always asking people for reassurance that you're not ill e.g., friends, family, GP and even when
this is provided, it only lasts a short
time, before I start to disbelieve
them and start checking again.
I constantly worry about everything!
I worry about not worrying, family, friends, children, work, finances,
the future, the past... if it can be
worried about I will worry about it...
I worry because it helps me to
show I care, it helps me to cope
with things, stops bad things from happening, it helps me to problem
solve, motivates me, helps me to understand things and prepares me
for bad things that might happen.
However the consequents are that I
fear I might go crazy with worry, I will have a nervous breakdown, It's going
to make me sick and others around
me are getting annoyed with me.
I have Irritable Bowl Syndrome, from
the stress, as a consequence, which is painful and inconvenient.
I have an intense, irrational fear
of something that poses little or
no actual danger to me, in my
case this is heights.
I realise that this fear is completely irrational, but even thinking about
facing anything to do with heights
brings on severe anxiety symptoms
for me e.g., I start shaking, sweating,
and my heart beats so hard I feel like
it will beat out of my chest!
I get frequent and unexpected
panic attacks, some times several
times a day.
I experience attacks like a sudden
wave of fear or discomfort or a
sense of losing control even when
there is no clear danger or trigger.
I experience a pounding or racing
heart, feeling faint, dizzy or
light-headed, feel very hot or very
cold, Sweating, trembling or shaking, having nausea (feeling sick), get a
pain in my chest or abdomen,
I can struggle to breathe or feel
like I'm choking, my legs can
become shaky or turn to jelly, and
I can become disconnected from
my mind, body or surroundings.
Alongside this I fear of losing
control, I can feel like I'm going to faint/pass out, have a heart attack
or the worst is when I believe I'm
going to die.
When I am depressed I easily feel
down, upset and/or tearful, I
become restless, agitated, or irritable.
I feel worthless, guilty, and self critical. Whilst feeling empty and numb. I become isolated, and unable to relate
to other people, often feeling like a burden to others. I find it hard to find
any pleasure in life or the things I
usually enjoy, and become angry/frustrated over the smallest
of things.
My confidence disappears, leaving me feeling hopeless and despairing, and I feel tired all the time.
When I feel like this I will avoid social events and my hobbies. sometimes I
cut myself or hurt myself and have frequent thoughts about wanting to
end my own life, occasionally I will consider what this might look
like too.
When in this space I find it difficult to
talk to people, find thinking clearly
almost impossible and struggle to
make decisions. Any interest in sex disappears. I find it hard to concentrate and focus, and can forget even the simplest of things.
I then in use substances, or gambling, excessive shopping etc, as a pick me up. My appetite disappears, I struggle to sleep or sleep to much, and I start to experience aches and pains without any obvious cause.
I push myself really hard to meet unattainable/unrelenting goals,
which makes me feel like a failure
as a person. I fear that I might not
reach my goals, but when I do I
realise I made them to easy so I
raise them much higher.
I criticise myself frequently on my
ability to reach my goals, but more
the high standards I expect of myself.
I repeatedly check how well
I am doing by negatively comparing
my performance to others.
The pursuit of my high standards
is at the cost of missing out on
other things e.g., time with
family, hobbies...
At times I avoid any tests of my performance to reach my standards,
in case I fail to meet them, and If I feel
I am failing at something I will simple avoid doing the task/hobby
in future.
This applies these to all, or almost all, areas of my life.
I regularly have a hard time
meeting deadlines. I put things off
in multiple areas of life — not just
at work, for example, but also at
home and with friends.
I will find myself procrastinating on
a weekly, if not daily, basis, and get distracted easily.
Sadly, my friends and family have told
me that this affects them too, as I will
put of making arrangements to go out, holidays and ultimately it then impacts my relationships with them.
I know that I procrastinate but I find it hard to admit this, to myself and others,
I don’t exactly lie about it, but I have plenty of reasons for putting things off.
I catch yourself filling my time with
minor or less important tasks, I feel stressed about everything I have to do and this in turn stops me sleeping and tending to my health.
Even when I face criticism and being pulled up for it at work and home, I
still can’t seem to stop putting
things off!
I feel exhausted and drained in
every way, constantly. Whilst being disinterested and detached from
my work, which is the opposite of
who I am.
I struggle with the monotonous
demands of my job. Any interest
I had in people and
hobbies/activities has disappeared.
I have become increasingly cynical, critical, and pessimistic in my attitude towards work. Leading
to me being less productive, enthusiastic, and effective at work.
I am constantly self critical of myself
and have a acute fear of failure.
I believe the future is bleak and
lack boundaries with others.
I'm finding it harder to concentrate, remember things, and pay attention whilst inside and outside of work.
This has impacted on my mood,
sleep and health e.g., headaches
and stomach pains are
frequent companions.
I lack any confidence in myself, and
make negative social comparisons to others frequently.
I struggle asking for help, and am
riddled with worry and doubt.
I have difficulty accepting compliments, as I feel that there is an agenda or I am simply not worthy of the compliment.
I am constantly self critical of myself
and have a acute fear of failure.
I believe the future is bleak and lack boundaries with others.
I people-please as I don't know
any different or fear being abandoned/rejected if I don't.
I worry a lot about a specific area of my body (e.g., nose and chin) and spend a
lot of time comparing my looks, negatively, with other people's.
I look at myself in mirrors a lot (multiple times a day and carry a mirror with me) or avoid mirrors altogether
I go to a lot of effort to conceal flaws e.g., by spending a long time combing your hair (several hours a day in total), applying make-up until it's just right or choosing clothes (I spend hours analysing each item)
I can pick at my skin to make it "smooth"
This has a seriously affect my daily life, including at work, social life and relationships. This leaves me feeling vain and self-conscious.
I try to limit the food I eat to
affect my shape/weight, or I will
eat excessively as a way of
numbing my emotions.
This means I often, deliberately,
go for long periods of time
(8 hours or more without food).
I have a complex set of rules
about what I can and can't eat,
with many of my favourite foods
banned, or eaten to excess during
a binge.
I feel a sense of achievement
when I have had an empty tummy, as
this means my hard work is paying off.
All to often though I feel fat!
With a fear of weight gain, or
losing control of what I am
eating, constantly present.
Thinking about this constantly
makes if a nightmare to concentrate on anything else like following a conversation with friends, doing any of my hobbies or focusing on the things I need to do.
I can disconnect from my thoughts, feelings, memories and/or sense of my own identity.
I experience..
Dissociative amnesia (I have gaps in my memory, where I can't remember events, I can't remember some or parts of my life story, and find things I don't remember buying)
Depersonalisation (I feel as though I am watching myself in a film or looking at myself from the outside, am observing, rather than feeling
my emotions, am disconnected to my body and/or emotions, and
I can lose time, or forget how I
got to places, and/or forget important things about myself)
Derealisation
(I feel detached from the world around me, see the world as foggy, feel as though I see the world through a pane of glass, or like I am living in a dream.
I experience re-living the traumatic
event through unwanted and recurring memories, flashbacks or vivid nightmares (making it hard to get a good nights sleep).
I have intense emotional or physical reactions when reminded of the event(s) including sweating, heart palpitations, anxiety or panic.
We welcome you, to get in touch with Ēpiónē PP.
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